I think I've finally understood. I'm NOT sad, and definitely NOT emo, just feeling troubled. Even though its only a few small problems, I see it as though its many problems. It's time to do some deep thinking. What was initially intended to be just for fun became too serious.
Yesterday went to Jurong Point with Zhong Han and Shawn. Not my fault about going there, they suggested going to a place nearby. Or else I would never have gone there. It feels and is an outskirt area there. Anyway we watched Step Up 2, and thankfully it wasn't some meaningless movie. It shows true friendship and a fight to be what you are and not what you are forced to be. After that went to West Mall arcade with the 2 of them. Yue Ming was waiting at the arcade so that he could come to my house. Then we had to wait for Shawn's cousin and finally they came my house. It was raining but we tried to swim anyway. The water was really cold so in the end they just came up to my house and wanted to sing but the set was spoiled so while waiting for the guy who sold us the system to come we ate dinner then watched Fun With Dick and Jane. Quite retarded movie. And finally the man came and exchanged a new system for us. It's got many chinese songs but only a page of classic english songs. So it was mostly Zhong Han's job to choose the songs and shawn's to sing. But he was shy, surprisingly, so he didn't really sing properly. And it was quite funny because after a while we all started joining in too and at least everyone sang once in the end. So they went home at like 11 plus. I hope you guys enjoyed yourselves.
I've decided to change after feeling so troubled for basically this whole week. It's like my whole holiday has been so wasted. We can like but we cannot be obsessed. Hx told me that. I still remember your slit wrist story. So no more sort of "stalk" anymore. No more being obsessed. No more waiting at the courts bus stop for almost an hour on Thursday. I'll go home the usual way. I am NOT OBSESSED with magnesiums. I LIKE magnesium. Just return and be my old happy self would have been the best solution. This holiday was supposed to be a time for me to take a rest but I find myself more occupied than usual. Maybe school life is more suitable and organised.
My Friday and last day of holidays were mostly wasted. I woke up then wanted to go out but no one to go out with. So sad. So I stayed at home and wanted to do work but in the end I watched a movie. Wasted my whole afternoon. Then there was no one to go dinner with as well so I followed parents to dinner with family friend (the one who went to Europe with us) to lei garden. Then went to HMV and walked then went home. Very wasted Friday. Sigh. but oh well at least I not too troubled anymore, albeit still troubled. Thankfully it's troubled with homework and the fact that its last day of holidays and its time to start preparing for mid years after this. Which spells S-T-R-E-S-S. But at least there's Fun O RAMAchandran .
Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart It's the end of the world in my mind Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call I've been looking for the answer Somewhere I couldn't see that it was right there But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help Because you live, girl My world has twice as many stars in the sky
It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again Cuz of you, made it through every storm What is life, what's the use if you're killed inside I'm so glad I found an angel Someone Who was there when all my hopes fell I wanna fly, looking in your eyes
Because you live and breathe Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help Because you live, girl My world has twice as many stars in the sky Because you live, I live
Because you live there's a reason why I carry on when I lose the fight I want to give what you've given me always
Because you live and breathe Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help Because you live, girl My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live and breathe Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help Because you live, girl My world[my world] has everything I need to survive