Tuesday, October 30, 2012
* Feeling the inner peace *
The past 11 days (including today) have been pretty good in terms of army, I've been in camp for a total of 29 hours. Haha that's epic, looking that it's even less than those who stay out.Anyway, on to my present state, I think I could actually get used to this life. I'm quite happy with the way things are right now, didn't turn out to be as bad as I previously imagined. I guess I've accepted the way things are, and the future now looks brighter than the past. I mean, once we all get used to something, a certain routine, a constant fixture, we're comfortable with the way things are. We tend to fear change as a result, but change is inevitable. Thankfully, one of the best abilities we have is adaptation. We go to the gym, work ourselves off, then our bodies adapt to the stress and that's how we grow stronger. We could also see it in the form of Le Chatelier's Principle, where when a change occurs, one side compensates and hence, equilibrium is restored, and that's how I feel right now. My inner peace is back once again.
The past few days, I've been spending a lot of time at home, and I thought I'd feel really bored and lonely, but seems like I actually quite enjoy the homely warmth feeling, whether or not there are other family members at home. And it also makes me feel less guilty about going out so much, it's like I "compensated" by spending so much time at home this weekend. Home is really a comfortable place. It's such a luxury to brew a cup of coffee, decide if I want it black or latte, hot or iced, steamed milk or cold milk, then settle down at the couch to read a book or use my laptop, while playing whatever music I'm in the mood to listen to on the super under-utilised speakers. Yup, and that's why being alone at home is fine too. When others are home, it's a chance to interact and spend some quality time, because we don't have all our lives to spend with these few very very important people.
I'm also looking forward to what lies ahead. It seems like a good opportunity to go out and enjoy myself once again. Focus on the basics in life, simplify things, avoid the complicated stuff. Revisit the fundamentals. Meet old friends, catch up with them and bring back the old times. Maintain and strengthen current friendships. Meet new people, build new friendships and surround myself with more people. Invite friends over to have coffee at the rooftop (something I've ALWAYS dreamed of, sounds nice hahaha). Have the time to go all the way to Tanah Merah and spend a whole weekday afternoon in my grandma's house reading a book and also talking to her, time isn't so abundant for that anymore. Spend lots of time with those at home, because really, they NEVER ever leave you no matter what.
I could finally start focusing on generating some substantial income in my free time through multiple streams (oh gosh, what happened to my 25 year-old target plan). This can be quite time-consuming at the start, so now that I'm so free, it's a good idea to begin. Yup, still have that same dream from 2007 of the house and the cars. I still need to see the Aurora borealis in Alaska, visit the Transfagarasan Highway in Romania. Hmm, looks like I'll need quite a lot of resources hahaha.
I've also got more time to train up my fitness. My gym results have been plateau-ing for about 1 and a half years now. Haha last year it was because of A levels in the second part of the year, and for this year it's due to NS and I've been pretty much fully occupied on my bookouts. Plus the camp gym is just useless. Especially when I get the stay out, mmm I can really have the freedom to focus on gymming just like the past. Time to really watch my diet and make sure I'm eating everything in the right proportion/ratios, it's easier to control when I eat at home. I can load and unload the creatine properly as well, since I'll be having a regular gym schedule once again. Protein shakes taste quite good, and I'll be having more of those too :)
Sometimes it's painful to lose something dear to you, but the new-found freedom's got to be appreciated too. In everything, there's still both sides to the story, good and bad, accept the bad, focus on the good. It's about the manifestation of ideas in your head. What you plant inside your mind will grow. The self-fulfilling prophecy theory. Fear becomes reality, but dreams can become reality too. The past 2 years weren't wasted at all. Through it, I've grown to be able to understand life better, what's important in a relationship and I've probably become less hot-tempered and more tolerant. I've changed a whole lot in that time span. I can only hope that people on the outside agree it's been for the better too.
Once in a while, we need to spend some time building our foundation again, like a personal renovation to make self-improvements.
Here's to (what used to be) the happiest couple in the world
The two little kids who were in their own fantasy world
The ones who understood each other completely
And were perfectly comfortable in each other's presence
Where everything just fell right into place in each other's arms
Flaws, they didn't matter. Happiness and love, never ending.
They could close their eyes and be happy forever, for looks were only for outsiders.
The two little kids who were in their own fantasy world
The ones who understood each other completely
And were perfectly comfortable in each other's presence
Where everything just fell right into place in each other's arms
Flaws, they didn't matter. Happiness and love, never ending.
They could close their eyes and be happy forever, for looks were only for outsiders.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Hahaha, perhaps this is truly the right time to sing a cover of When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne.Friday, October 26, 2012
* dy/dx *
Screw the sad posts, the awesome feeling is back and I'm feeling so much better after an afternoon of relaxed thinking. The past week has taken such a huge toll on my body and I've been so affected by things, it's not funny. I constantly felt like I was falling sick, not sleeping, not eating, not drinking, and a lot of unhappiness and pains on a physical level (right in the sternum/stomach). A walking zombie. I neglected my family time and also wasted my precious offs, not training for Bintan properly as well. But I'm happy to declare that hell week over :) 2 years does alter your life significantly, but the decision to change it back is up to me.I realise that there's no point pursuing things further and hoping things will return to the way it was. Since the person has fundamentally changed, even if I do get the person back physically, it is pointless because it wouldn't be the same person I once knew anymore. So far, this person is really the best I've ever emotionally connected with before, and I'll never be able to find someone I can connect with so well anymore, but that character is gone already, I'll have to accept that. Replaced in the body is someone else I barely know. Someone I've only known for a week. And someone I really can't connect with. That's not what I want. I'm tired of this, I'm moving on :)
I don't wish to devalue myself further by throwing myself at this person anymore. I've tried my best, been the most sincere I've ever been, poured my heart out, given up my pride and ego in the hope of reverting the situation back to the good and happy times. It's made me look rather easy and worthless in fact, so clearly being so wholehearted in the pursuit is backfiring. I asked myself, "why is this the case?" Who's treating the other better? And therefore, doesn't the former deserve better? It takes a huge amount of patience and tolerance to get used to this person. Sure, maybe in the initial stages where people are blinded it'll work. But when the eyesight returns, hmm. Looks can only get one so far. Immunity to looks happens really quickly, right after the initial infatuation. But to overlook the character flaws (everyone tends to have some), oh that isn't so easy.
Where's the Winston I used to know? The one who wants to go out and have fun, enjoy his youth and meet new people because he doesn't want to waste his life? People around me have been quite taken aback by the way I'm reacting to this actually hahaha. How unexpected of this guy. Ah, now he's back :)
It's nice to be appreciated for your efforts, not seen as annoying. How ridiculous it is to put in so much heart and soul, only to be seen as "someone you rather not have in your life", compared to the guy who doesn't truly care and is somehow seen as more valuable.
Whose loss is this? Not for me to say, but a factual analysis will actually give you the answer.
The good only appears in the absence of it.
Literally, this is an update from Google maps to Apple maps.
I really miss this person I once knew. Not that I can't wait to meet the person or anything, just I miss the way the person used to be. She's changed, and I really miss the old her back. I guess more than anything, I feel a sense of disappointment, not sadness or anger. People really are very easily affected by their surroundings and those they mingle around with.
But a part of me thinks this may all be my fault. Perhaps if I didn't react so rashly and insecurely, things would have gotten better. But what can I do right? I mean, someone you truly treasure dropping a bomb on you, how is anyone supposed to respond?? So by panicking, things go downward. But if I didn't really actually care, maybe the situation wouldn't have been so aggravated, and things might have improved. The strange irony of life. I really wish I could turn back time to just 7 days ago, I would do everything so differently. Rushing someone to give things some thought just drives things down and the opposite happens, the person doesn't even give a thought, and makes up their mind without considering the situation. I'm really hoping a miracle happens, that she'll give it a proper though, I'll really let her think it through. But then again, she used to be somebody I can really emotionally connect with the best. We know each other inside out. Maybe that won't be the same again, if she's truly changed. Honestly, it took me quite a while to be able to be so committed to someone, I'll never be able to replicate that again.
But a part of me thinks this may all be my fault. Perhaps if I didn't react so rashly and insecurely, things would have gotten better. But what can I do right? I mean, someone you truly treasure dropping a bomb on you, how is anyone supposed to respond?? So by panicking, things go downward. But if I didn't really actually care, maybe the situation wouldn't have been so aggravated, and things might have improved. The strange irony of life. I really wish I could turn back time to just 7 days ago, I would do everything so differently. Rushing someone to give things some thought just drives things down and the opposite happens, the person doesn't even give a thought, and makes up their mind without considering the situation. I'm really hoping a miracle happens, that she'll give it a proper though, I'll really let her think it through. But then again, she used to be somebody I can really emotionally connect with the best. We know each other inside out. Maybe that won't be the same again, if she's truly changed. Honestly, it took me quite a while to be able to be so committed to someone, I'll never be able to replicate that again.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
I don't usually tend to/like using expletives, but it's so fucking hard to let go. I thought I managed to already, only for it to recur over and over again.For most part of the 2 years, I failed to realize I was the luckiest - yes absolutely the luckiest - guy on Earth. Now I'm left feeling like the most unfortunate guy around. It's excruciating, this feeling.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
For quite some time already, I have believed that a relationship is infinitely sustainable, given that the surrounding conditions remain the same.Thursday, October 18, 2012
Sorry- a word that has such a two-sided nature.When used together with a positive change in action, solves issues.
When used in a minor incident to avoid aggravation of the situation, serves to make things better.
When used as a form of consolation without any positive change in action, just makes the person feel so weak, and to a certain extent, worse.