Screw the sad posts, the awesome feeling is back and I'm feeling so much better after an afternoon of relaxed thinking. The past week has taken such a huge toll on my body and I've been so affected by things, it's not funny. I constantly felt like I was falling sick, not sleeping, not eating, not drinking, and a lot of unhappiness and pains on a physical level (right in the sternum/stomach). A walking zombie. I neglected my family time and also wasted my precious offs, not training for Bintan properly as well. But I'm happy to declare that hell week over :) 2 years does alter your life significantly, but the decision to change it back is up to me.
I realise that there's no point pursuing things further and hoping things will return to the way it was. Since the person has fundamentally changed, even if I do get the person back physically, it is pointless because it wouldn't be the same person I once knew anymore. So far, this person is really the best I've ever emotionally connected with before, and I'll never be able to find someone I can connect with so well anymore, but that character is gone already, I'll have to accept that. Replaced in the body is someone else I barely know. Someone I've only known for a week. And someone I really can't connect with. That's not what I want. I'm tired of this, I'm moving on :)
I don't wish to devalue myself further by throwing myself at this person anymore. I've tried my best, been the most sincere I've ever been, poured my heart out, given up my pride and ego in the hope of reverting the situation back to the good and happy times. It's made me look rather easy and worthless in fact, so clearly being so wholehearted in the pursuit is backfiring. I asked myself, "why is this the case?" Who's treating the other better? And therefore, doesn't the former deserve better? It takes a huge amount of patience and tolerance to get used to this person. Sure, maybe in the initial stages where people are blinded it'll work. But when the eyesight returns, hmm. Looks can only get one so far. Immunity to looks happens really quickly, right after the initial infatuation. But to overlook the character flaws (everyone tends to have some), oh that isn't so easy.
Where's the Winston I used to know? The one who wants to go out and have fun, enjoy his youth and meet new people because he doesn't want to waste his life? People around me have been quite taken aback by the way I'm reacting to this actually hahaha. How unexpected of this guy. Ah, now he's back :)
It's nice to be appreciated for your efforts, not seen as annoying. How ridiculous it is to put in so much heart and soul, only to be seen as "someone you rather not have in your life", compared to the guy who doesn't truly care and is somehow seen as more valuable.
Whose loss is this? Not for me to say, but a factual analysis will actually give you the answer.
The good only appears in the absence of it.
Literally, this is an update from Google maps to Apple maps.